


A Barbarian's Conquests

by jujukittychick



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Conan the Barbarian & Related Fandoms
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Do not take this fic seriously, F/M, Halloween Costumes, Halloween magical mayhem, Hand Jobs, Hand-wavy magic and plot points, Het
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-02-03 11:25:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1743056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jujukittychick/pseuds/jujukittychick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on Challenge 1857:Barbarian Halloween at Twisting the Hellmouth - Xander looses a bet and has to dress up in Willow or Buffy's choice of costume. This time Xander dressed up as a different kind of Soldier, Conan the Barbarian! Forget those wimpy M-16's. He's wielding a Sword now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m playing loosely with the Halloween ep, mainly ‘cause I barely remember it beyond the main points, but Cordy and Angel aren’t really going to factor in. Also known as "OMG she can write het too!" ;)
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the computer I'm typing this on and am making no money. Buffy:TVS and Conan belong to their respective creators and owners who *are* making money off them. I'm just doing this for my own fun and entertainment; in general, if you recognize something, I don't own it.

“Come on, girls…ladies! Fabulous, wonderful lady-friends that you are, you’re not really going to go through with this right? Right?!” Xander started casting a practiced look around the costume shop for any potential exits as his two best friends in the world, Willow and Buffy, dragged him, pretty much literally, through the racks. So he had made a little bet with them and lost; who would’ve guessed that Buffy  _could_  actually make it a week without destroying some article of clothing. He chalked it up to a slow Slaying week and a severe lack of apocalypses…apocalypsi? He’d have to remember to ask Giles about that one later. Regardless, he lost the bet, so now they got to pick out all their Halloween costumes instead of him. It was like they were afraid he was going to pick out some Princess Leia slave girl outfit for them or something, not that the thought hadn’t crossed his mind, but he kinda liked all his important bits in their current locations and knew better than to voice the idea.  
  
Though apparently they didn’t have the same reservations as him. Blinking rapidly in the vain hope that what he was seeing would be a figment of his imagination, he began shaking his head, a steady stream of “Nononono, oh  _hell_  no!” babbling forth from his mouth. Staring in horror at what looked like a fake fur Speedo and those furry boots that Eskimos wore in cartoons, he turned a wide-eyed look at his so-called friends. “What…you can’t be…Seriously?! The Xan-man can so totally not pull that off. Have you looked at me recently? Not that you guys would be looking at me that way, ‘cause you know, just friends, but honestly, you’re just joking right?”  
  
Willow and Buffy looked at each other and rolled their eyes at their friend’s melodramatics before Buffy spoke up. “Oh come on, Xander. It’s Conan and you like those fantasy actiony type movies. You can even use one of my swords for a prop instead of this cheap plastic thing.” Dropping her voice and looking around to make sure nobody else was near, she continued. “It would probably be a good idea anyway. I mean, I know Giles totally said that nothing ever happens on Halloween, but seriously, it’s the Hellmouth and when has anything gone like it’s supposed to, right? Besides, we’ve seen you at the beach; you’ll look just in fine in this.” Glancing at Willow as Xander continued to give them the “are you absolutely insane?” look, she pulled out the big guns and bit her bottom lip just as it started to quiver, her eyes blinking rapidly. “Don’t you trust us? You know we wouldn’t do anything to embarrass you.”  
  
“Oh no! No! Stop that! I will not be conned by the quivering lip and oh gods, tears?! Really? Come on, don’t…not you too, Willow! Fine, but there will be no picture taking! This will go down in the books as a lost Halloween, no proof allowed after.” Xander hesitantly took the costume while a little bit of him cried at the unfairness of the world that he, definitely not of the macho type, was stuck going as one of the biggest macho men there were.  
  
Willow finally spoke up, a happy smile on her face. “But look, Xander, they have a whole set of coordinating costumes. I can go as a priestess and Buffy can go as a princess. We’ll be a matched set, and you can be our protector!”  
  
“Yeah, until someone tries to kick my ass and Princess Buffy has to protect me.” Watching the hurt looks cross his friends’ faces, Xander continued quickly. “No, no, it’s alright. You guys will look stunning and draw all the attention off of me. It’ll work out just fine.” I just hope Larry and the rest of the jocks don’t get a good look at me, or even worse, Cordelia; I’ll never live this down.  
  
“That’s the spirit, Xan! Come on, let’s get these paid for and get back to the library, Giles told me at lunch he was getting funny feelings or something and wanted us to start researching…um…something-or-other, I forget.”  
  
Their conversation turned to a discussion of homework and classes as the three paid for their costumes and left the shop, never noticing the calculating look on the shopkeeper’s face.  
  


.oOo.

  
  
It was Halloween night and the three had met in the library to change into their costumes before having to lead the munchkins on their rounds through the neighborhood. They were each taking turns using Giles’ office to change and Xander had considerately wolf-whistled as each of the girls had stepped back out in their new identity. Even Giles got in the spirit and clapped while stuttering out an embarrassed compliment.  
  
Xander had to admit, he couldn’t have picked better outfits for the girls if he had tried. Willow, preferring more reserved clothing, had picked the priestess costume, a startling white dress that was just begging to be stained as soon as she walked outside, that managed to cover her from head to toe while still accenting her burgeoning curves. It had a cowl type hood that she currently had down as Buffy had arranged her hair in some kind of elaborate up-do with curly ringlets framing her face with the front of the dress dipping in a gentle scoop to just show the top of her cleavage. The sleeves were tapered down to her wrists and the skirt flowed loosely around her ankles.  
  
Buffy, on the other hand, had gone with what was supposed to be a barbarian princess costume that Xander personally was calling a slave girl outfit, though not out loud. At first glance it looked innocent enough, the top looking much like one of her normal crop tops she wore out Slaying with the skirt falling to her ankles as well. Unlike Willow’s though, the costume seemed to consist of little more than layers of nearly transparent fabric, layered just enough that all the important bits were covered.  
  
Yeah, it wasn’t hard for him to applaud their costumes, his however…  
  
“Come on, Xander! We’re going to be late.” Willow’s voice, muffled though it was through the closed office door, held a distinct note of disapproval.  
  
“Yeah, Xan, I’m sure you look just fine, and you know Snyder is going to jump on our cases if we’re even a little late. Besides, it’s too late now to back out.”  
  
“Says you,” Xander muttered to himself. Sighing he looked down at himself one last time and shook his head. The things he let his girls talk him into. Steeling his nerves and closing his eyes, he opened the door and stepped out into complete silence. Peeking through his eyelashes, he saw the stunned looks on his friends’ faces. “See, I told you I was going to look ridiculous.”  
  
Willow stared in surprise. Sure she had seen Xander in his swim trunks, but that had been back at the start of the summer, and his day-glo swim trunks were nothing compared to…this. He didn’t look like her normal Xander-shaped friend, that was for sure. Wow, maybe she should start listening to Buffy when she suggested trying to move their friendship into a more romantic type relationship.  
  
Buffy gaped in surprise, her main thought being, Damn I’m good. Even under the unflattering fluorescent lights, Xander looked amazing. Still carrying some of his tan from the summer, he looked long and lean, and though not as ripped as some of the jocks, he had the start of a six-pack and strong looking arms and legs. The “furry swimsuit,” as Xander was calling it, left his entire upper body bare except for the strap of the sword sheath that crossed his chest and showed off muscled thighs before his lower legs disappeared into the furry boots. A plain leather band tied around his forehead made his normally messy hair look a little longer and more like a statement than a lack of caring. If Angel hadn’t been in the picture, maybe…hell, who was she kidding, she knew after that night, she wouldn’t be able to look at Xander the same again.  
  
It was Giles that finally broke the tense silence and settled Xander’s nerves, though even he had to admit the boy no longer looked like the careless teen he normally portrayed, and more like a man…a warrior. Perhaps it was time he started training him to fight along side Buffy; he certainly had the build to handle some of the larger weapons that were just too awkward for Buffy to easily handle. “You…you look just fine, Xander. It was a very fitting costume choice. Were you able to handle the sword alright?”  
  
Xander reached back to grasp the hilt of the broadsword that was strapped to his back, pulling it out about halfway, unknowingly causing his muscles to ripple and flex, much to the girls’ fascination. “Yeah, G-man, didn’t have any problems at all with it. Think I’m just glad it’s not too cold out tonight. Wish this thing had a cape or something.” Crossing his arms self-consciously over his chest, he made his way out into the library proper. “So, can I escort you ladies to our funerals? I mean, to the lovely little monsters that are waiting to torture us for the next couple hours.”  
  
The girls laughed and flanked him, each tucking their arm through one of his. The group would never realize the envious stares they received as Xander ushered the two young beauties over to the milling group of children and teens. They did notice Snyder’s unhappy look, not to mention the smart-ass comments about their outfits. Xander pointed out that their participation was strictly voluntary and they could always go home so Snyder could supervise the kids in their place. Not surprisingly, he wandered off to go berate another costumed classmate of theirs and left them alone.  
  
The rest of the evening started well enough; they should have known to take it as a sign. Xander, Willow, and Buffy took their little legion of trick-or-treaters out of the school and started down their designated side street, waiting patiently as the kids went door to door begging for their ration of candy. They were about half way down the street when a sudden tingly wave seemed to sweep over them, leaving them looking at each other in surprise before everything went hazy.


	2. Chapter 2

“By Crom, what happened?” Screaming drug Conan from the fog that seemed to have been clouding his mind. Standing up, he drew his sword, holding at the read as he looked around, frowning at his unfamiliar surroundings, strange dwellings, eerily similar to each other, lined the strangely paved path he stood upon. Small demons and odd looking creatures and children appeared to be the source of the screaming as they attacked each other and the people inside the dwellings.  
  
Next to him stood two women from his home land, a priestess and royalty of some sort. How the three of them arrived in this unknown land was a mystery, but for now they needed to reach a secure location.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted as two of the little demons rushed towards them. He raised his sword, prepared to cut them down, when the priestess yelled.  
  
“No! I sense they are merely children!”  
  
Conan growled, but sheathed his sword before darting forward to meet their would-be attackers, reaching out to knock their heads together, rendering them unconscious. Turning back to the two women, he gestured to the prone bodies. “Is that to your satisfaction, Priestess?”  
  
“Yes,  _Barbarian_.”  
  
He had to fight the urge to sneer at the woman, her tone conveying her feelings of superiority clearly. “Good, then we need to find a safe place to keep you two while we figure out what has happened.”  
  
The princess, half hiding behind the outwardly calm priestess, had been looking around wide-eyed, biting her lip to keep back the frightened sobs that she felt trying to escape as she watched the nightmarish creatures running around. She had no knowledge of how she had arrived in this place, but thanked Krom that she wasn’t alone. In fact, the barbarian looked to be more than capable of protecting her, all that lean muscle denoting his obvious strength, the casual way he had wielded his sword; he was a fine specimen of manhood, much better than the over-fed suitors in her father’s court. “Yes, I agree with him. Somewhere away from… from those  _things_. How did we even get here? How are we going to get home? What if we’re trapped?”  
  
The priestess resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the other girl’s melodramatics. She wasn’t sure what had happened to send them to this accursed place either, but she had faith that everything would be made clear. The barbarian was right though, first they needed to get someplace safe. Some place where she could hopefully get away from the cringing girl behind her and pray.”  
  
Conan drew his sword once more, not all the demon she had seen were child sized after all, and led the two women down the path they were on, away from most of the chaos that had been surrounding them. A couple minutes later, they drew near a large, oddly shaped building with light spilling from the windows. A man dressed in the same odd clothing as those in the dwellings stepped outside, spotting them instantly, as if he’d been looking for them.  
  
“Buffy! Thank God! What’s going on? I thought I heard screaming. Where are the children?”  
  
The three stopped a safe distance from the stranger, eyeing him warily. Conan, sensing the reluctance in the two women to speak, stepped forward slightly. “Stranger, we seek shelter. Is there a safe place we may go?”  
  
“Xander? What are you… you talking about? Willow? Buffy?” When only the priestess showed any recognition to the names he called, the man stumbled back as if injured. “Oh…oh dear. Yes, um, yes, right this way. Perhaps we can figure out what’s happened to…to you all.”  
  
Conan hesitated, looking back at his companions questioningly. Seeing the longing look in the princess’ eyes as she looked at the potential safe haven and the reluctant nod the priestess gave, he turned back to the man and nodded, sheathing his sword. “Agreed. Lead on.” Unspoken, the knowledge that if it was a trap, the stranger would be in danger first.  
  
They followed the man through an empty corridor and into what appeared to be a small library. Conan stopped in the center of the room, the princess staying close to him though still giving him room to maneuver if a fight should start. Scanning the room for any potential threats, he listened as the man mumbled to himself. “Thank you for your help. I am Conan of Cimmeria.”  
  
“And I am Princess Elize.”  
  
“High Priestess Willow.”  
  
The man stared at them in shock before falling back into a chair. “Oh! Oh dear. This is not good. Tell me, did any of you sense anything upon your… your arrival here? And do you remember seeing any children?”  
  
The priestess stepped forward, inclining her head slightly. “Yes, there were small demons and creatures surrounding the area we were at. I sensed they were children but the whole village seems to be infused with chaotic magic. I decided it was best to leave them alone until we could discover the source.”  
  
“Chaotic magic? Demons and creatures? The costumes! Who could… no, surely not… Ethan?” The man stood purposefully. “Please, remain here. I believe I know the cause of this but I need to look into something. There is a wash room two doors down the hall if you need to clean up. And there are weapons in the office if needed. I’ll… I’ll return shortly.”  
  
The three watched the odd man leave, listening as an almost unnatural silence fell over the building broken only by an occasional far off scream or odd wailing noise.  
  
Willow dared to break the silence, glancing at the others. “He acted as if he recognized us. And he certainly seemed to know what has happened.”  
  
Conan really looked at her for the first time since regaining consciousness in this strange land. Fiery red hair was piled atop her head and her robes, while plain, molded to perky breasts and a pert ass just begging to be grabbed. She was also a lot younger than he would have expected for a High Priestess, but perhaps she was one of those born and raised solely in the temple, knowing only her religion. If it wasn’t for her superior attitude, she might actually make for decent company. His observation took only moments but it was still long enough to earn himself one of those superior looks she seemed to have mastered. Ignoring the look, or more precisely, staring directly at her breasts for a moment before looking into her eyes and smirking, he glanced around the room once more. “The question is, can he be trusted? This looks to be a library of sorts, but he has a store of weapons. What kind of scholar would have such a thing?”  
  
Elize thought of the cowardly scholars in her father’s castle, screaming and cringing at the least little threat. The idea of them wielding anything larger than a dinner knife was ridiculous. “But what else can we do? Maybe there will be something in one of the books?” She spotted a cage filled with several large tomes and wandered closer, peering through the bars. “Perhaps one of those? They must be important to be locked away as they are.”  
  
Conan watched the princess walk away, admiring the way the gauzy skirts swirled around her ankles, the thin material showing the silhouette of shapely legs. Indeed, the girl was beautiful, slender but with lush curves begging for a man’s caress, her blonde hair shining like sunlight in the strange lighting inside the room and looking like the silks that surely decorated her rooms in her palace. Following her to the cage, he looked at the hefty tomes, many cracked and yellowing with age. Pulling her back away from the door, he brought his sword down on the lock, breaking it, and pulled the door open. Pulling out one book after another, he would flip through several pages before returning them to the shelves. “I can’t make out any of the words. Priestess? Perhaps you will have better luck.”  
  
Elize looked around, feeling lost. Turning her gaze to Conan, she took a moment to simply admire his physique while his attention was turned to the priestess and the books inside the cage. Sighing softly, she wandered around the room, fingers grazing over the table tops as she looked at the door they entered through. “I think I’ll just go wash up while you two look through things.”  
  
Conan looked towards her, offering her a friendly smile. She was surely feeling as out of place as he was in this room. The female members of the royalty weren’t known for being allowed to learn more than absolutely needed. “Go on. If you need anything, yell. One of us will come to you.”  
  
Elize smiled back, warmed by his kind gesture. “Thank you.” Stepping out into the hall, she looked both ways and, seeing nobody around, made her way to the door the man had mentioned. Pushing open the door, she tilted her head, looking at the odd furnishings. Trying the different knobs and levers she found, she soon figured out what the purpose was for each piece and went about her business. Several minutes later, feeling much better after having washed her face and arms to clean the grit and dirt off from her time on the ground, she made her way back into the hall, wondering if Conan and Willow had made any progress. She’d only made it a few steps when a chill went down her spine, turning around quickly, she saw several people drawing closer, the leader with strangely pale hair.  
  
“Ah, Slayer. What a nice surprise. Think you’ll just be coming with me, ya?”  
  


.oOo.

  
  
A sudden scream echoed through the halls and into the library. Willow and Conan looked at each other a moment before rushing out into the hall, just in time to see several figures running at unnatural speed down the other end of the hall, the princess’ unconscious body tossed over one of the men’s shoulder. One chanced to look back, giving the startled pair a good view of a demonic face with glowing yellow eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I estimate there to be only one more actual chapter though I think I’m leaving it open ended so I can return at a future date to add some one-shots with other Xander pairings.

Conan and Willow stared at the now empty doorway in silent shock, Conan Striding forward several steps before looking back impatiently at the priestess.  “We’ve got to get her! Who knows what they’re planning on doing with her.”  
  
Willow shook her head, her troubled gaze belying her otherwise outwardly calm appearance.  “We don’t know where they’ve taken her. And they were unnaturally fast – they could be anywhere now.  Plus, they were not human; do you know how to kill them?”  
  
Conan gave her an evil smile.  “Beheading usually works.” He started pacing back and forth, the urge to  _gofightdestroy_  his enemies burning through his veins.  “I can’t just abandon her; she’s helpless.”  Decision made, he started back down the hall.  
  
“Wait, Barbarian! I did not say we would abandon her.  Come, I know of a spell that should help.”  Trusting him to follow, she walked back into the library, making her way to the office in back where she could sense objects of a mystical nature residing.  
  
Conan paced restlessly back and forth across the library while Willow gathered her supplies, irritated by the delay though recognizing that they really had no other options, unfamiliar with the area and the demons as they were.  
  
Willow finished preparing the items for the first step of the spell before turning to face the pacing barbarian.  This next part she wasn’t looking forward to.  “Conan, come here.  In order for this to work best, I need to infuse the spell with your essence.”  
  
Conan looked at her suspiciously.  “What exactly do you mean?”  
  
“Usually, the warrior involved and his weapon are marked with a potion which, when combined with the spell, will infuse both with the power of Crom, enabling you to locate your enemies and find their weakness.  The potion needs the essence of the warrior, by hair or blood or seed, preferably all three.”  
  
Conan Couldn’t help but leer at the uptight priestess.  “My seed, eh? And will you be helping to collect that as well?”  
  
Willow rolled her eyes.  “I am a High Priestess, my body shall remain as pure as my faith until such time as my destined mate is made known to me.  Now, I know it will take you time, you should begin if I am to include it.”  She waved vaguely towards his groin and turned her back to him, going over the items she would need for the rest of the spell.  
  
Conan laughed to himself at her obvious discomfort but loosened his belt, slipping his hand inside his coverings to palm his cock, his gaze locked on the priestess as she bustled around, watching the sway of her hips and the way her robes pulled taut over her ass, and let his imagination run wild.  She was so reserved and haughty, he took pleasure in picturing her wild in passion, all that fiery hair spread around her as she moaned and panted, lithe body arching and bucking.  
  
He was thoroughly hard now, pre-cum leaking steadily, making it that much easier to stroke his thick length.  He watched as Willow began repeating what she had been doing and grinned.  “You know, Priestess, this would go quicker if I had a little…stimulation.”  
  
“I told you, I will not…”  
  
“No, no need, really, though if you change your mind…” He laughed at the disgusted look she gave him.  “Take that as a no.  How about just removing your robe? Give me something to imagine.”  
  
She looked at him doubtfully, but finally reluctantly nodded, pulling the robe off over her head.  The move freed her hair, sending the bright red locks to tumble down over her shoulders.  He sucked in a breath as his cock jumped.  Her skin was milky white, her only covering some lacy scraps of fabric covering her breasts and mound.  He watched as her body reacted to the cool air, her nipples hardening and straining against the fabric.  “Beautiful, Priestess.  A shame you hide behind your robes.”  
  
Watching her watch him, Conan shoved his coverings further down his hips, freeing his cock and enabling him to stroke himself more easily.  He bit back a grin as she gasped and began to fidget restlessly, her gaze glued on his stroking hand.  “Don’t you need…to collect this…when I finish? You should…come closer.”  
  
Willow hesitated.  He was right, she would need to collect his seed, but to watch him like that…it was so different from the base rutting she had caught glimpses of in dark alleys during her infrequent trips to the village.  He was so strong and virile; she couldn’t help but be tempted by his words.  And sex was not prohibited, but she felt this was not the man she was meant for, nor was the time right by any means.  Grabbing the bowl with the other ingredients, she approached him, marveling at the erotic sight.  His head was tilted back, eyes closed, and he seemed completely lost in his pleasure, his hard body glistening with a light sheen of sweat, accenting the hard plains of his muscles.  
  
“Ah! Priestess…am close…”  
  
Willow bit her bottom lip as she watched his hand speed up in its movements and reached out, laying her hand over his, feeling the fine trembling of his body, her thumb resting next to his fingers to brush over the silken skin they gripped with every movement.  Looking up into his startled eyes, she offered a hesitant smile before looking down once more and directing the thick shaft towards the bowl of herbs she held in her free hand.  “Now, Barbarian, come for me.”   
  
His whole body seemed to draw tight as a bowstring as he stroked once, twice more with their twined hands and then the milky fluid was shooting into the bowl, a heartfelt groan spilling from the barbarian’s mouth before he shuddered and relaxed completely, a lazy grin tilting his lips.  Bringing her hand up to his mouth, he kissed her palm, giving her a warm smile.  
  
“Thank you, Priestess.”  
  
Willow felt herself blushing and jerked her hand away from his loose grasp, standing with the bowl clasped tightly to her chest, suddenly aware of her state of undress and wondered how she’d ever let him talk her into undressing in the first place.  Turning her back on the annoying male, she made her way quickly back to the table she’d set everything on.  Setting the bowl down carefully, she quickly redressed, pulling back her hair once more before grabbing the wickedly sharp athame she had found and blessed.  “Come here, we’ve wasted enough time.  Hold out your hand.”  
  
Finding her embarrassment to be adorably cute, not that he’d risk saying so to her face, he did as instructed, eyeing the dagger warily.  Without giving him a chance to object, she grabbed his hand and slashed the dagger lightly across his palm, just enough to bite into the skin and allow blood to spill out.  Guiding his hand over the bowl of other ingredients, she had him hold his hand over it as she cleaned the dagger then quickly lopped off a small lock of hair.  Watching as she added the hair and apparently gauged whether he had spilled enough blood or not, he looked curiously into the bowl of odd ingredients, wondering how they would ever allow him to do as she had claimed.  
  
Massaging his hand to urge out a few more drops of blood, she finally deemed the donation to be enough for her purposes and offered him a strip of cloth to bind the wound with as she began stirring the ingredients, chanting over them in some language he’d never heard before as she added a few more odd things from bottles she’d left out for just that purpose.  Suddenly, just as her chant reached a crescendo, the bowl took on a faint glow. Apparently satisfied with her work, she turned towards him, an intent look in her eyes and her entire being that made her seem much older and wiser than her young years would suggest and it was made clear to him exactly how she had reached the role of High Priestess.  
  
“Your weapon, Barbarian.”  
  
Drawing his sword from its sheath, he held it out between them, balanced across his palms.  He watched as she dipped her fingers in the mixture and began drawing symbols down the entire length, occasionally returning to the bowl to retrieve more of the strange mixture with which to write, before reaching upwards to draw a symbol in the middle of his forehead.  Once again she began chanting, the words in the same unknown language before slipping smoothly into their common tongue.  
  
"I beseech the gods to bless this warrior, to guide his body and weapon, as an extension thereof, to defeat his enemies and bring justice to those that deserve it.”  
  
He felt an odd warmth surround him, his vision going hazy as a gold mist seemed to surround everything and watched in amazement as the bloody symbols written along the steel of his sword were absorbed into the metal as if they’d never been.  
  
“Go forth with the blessing of the gods, surrounded in their presence, aided by their power to crush your enemies, have them driven before you, and hear the Lamentations of their women."   
  
He sensed something growing taut around him and finally snapping, though he couldn’t tell what it was, nothing physical, but it was still felt nonetheless. Looking around through clear eyes once more, he noticed that he felt a tugging sensation whenever he turned in a certain direction.  Apparently the spell had worked.  Grinning with the rush of oncoming battle, he looked toward the tired, washed out looking priestess.  “It’s working, I think.  I feel a pull when I turn a certain direction. Are you able to travel? I don’t like the idea of leaving you behind.”  
  
Willow waved a hand, disregarding his concerns.  “I will be fine, the spell was just a little taxing; I’ll recover in time.  We should go; I don’t know how long the spell will last.”  
  
Conan looked her over critically but she was already starting to get some color back in her face, and he really didn’t want to leave her behind, what if they all needed to be together in order to return home.  “Alright, grab what you need and follow me.”  
  
Waiting for her to grab a small dagger from the weapons room, he stalked out into the quiet hall, turning in the direction the demons had fled.  Once the priestess has joined him, he took off at a jog, out of the building and across the strangely paved roads and oddly empty fields of grass, past graveyards (so many graveyards?!), only stopping to get his bearings and allow the priestess to catch her breath.  He felt the tugging drawing tighter, urging him forward, and drew his sword.  His prey was within reach.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on Challenge 1857:Barbarian Halloween at Twisting the Hellmouth - Xander loses a bet and has to dress up in Willow or Buffy's choice of costume. This time Xander dressed up as a different kind of Soldier, Conan the Barbarian! Forget those wimpy M-16's. He's wielding a Sword now. 
> 
> Time to rescue Buffy and the aftermath of everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m playing loosely with the Halloween ep, mainly ‘cause I barely remember it beyond the main points, but Cordy and Angel aren’t really going to factor in. Also, this is not meant to be a serious fic, it’s not much more than an elaborate PWP, don’t expect much more than that.
> 
> A/N2: I’ve barely written anything in a whole year. I’m trying to at least update or finish my WIPs. Hopefully the writing hasn’t been too off in this. Also, I apologize for bad het, it has literally been years since I’ve written it, plus trying to keep it in context with their alternate identities, yeah, sorry lol

Conan continued to follow the strange pull he felt through collections of identical houses, with the strange small demons still running around and terrorizing screaming adults and children in strange clothing, bearing them no mind other than ensuring that he and the priestess didn’t stray into their path of destruction.  As the houses thinned, the area became more barren, more of the strange paving covering everything and large storehouses made of metal became more prevalent.  An ominous feeling seemed to fill the air, everything unnaturally quiet as if the birds and wildlife had fled the area as well as the humans.  Slowing down, he gestured for the priestess to follow behind him as he began to move through the large shadows cast by the buildings.  Glancing back at Willow briefly, Conan decided it would be better to ask than potentially kill an innocent. “Do you feel any of that chaos magic you spoke of?”

 

Willow paused a moment, eyes closed before shaking her head.  “No, only a small speck, but it’s not quite close.”

 

Nodding his understanding, Conan took off once more, darting from building to building, crouched down as he kept to the shadows and attempted to keep his sword from reflecting the moonlight, glad that he had free reign to attack any monsters that may show themselves.

 

No sooner had he had the thought than two of the strange demons that had kidnapped the princess dropped in front of him. Even though they both lunged towards him at the same time, hands tipped in claws and snarling through fangs, a quick swipe of his sword through the middle of each had them falling back.  Wasting no time, he swung higher, the sharp edge of his sword cutting cleanly through each of their necks with two quick movements though he stumbled back in shock as, instead of fallen bodies, the two beings simply crumbled to ash.  Noticing the priestess seemed to be as shocked as he was, he reached out to touch her arm briefly.  “What in Krom’s name were those things?”

 

Willow stared at the two piles of ash quickly being dispersed by the breeze, eyes wide. “Nothing of this realm.” Shaking her head quickly, she nodded towards the buildings still ahead of them.  “Come, Elize is waiting.”

 

Nodding, casting a last glance at the remains of the strange creatures, he took off once more, the tugging from Willow’s magic growing even stronger.  “Your magic…I believe we are close.”

 

The sudden rise in the amount of demons they crossed certainly lent credence to his belief. Though most appeared by themselves or in pairs, and easily dispatched by Conan’s sword, occasionally they were met by a group, which had him worrying about the priestess at first, at least until he saw one of the creatures suddenly catch fire and immediately crumble to ash.

 

Before long they stood before the doors of one of the storage buildings, the tugging Conan felt urging him inside.  Deciding that a frontal assault was unwise as they had no idea what lay inside, he looked upwards, noticing windows set at regular intervals around the building. Turning to tell the priestess they would have to find a way inside from one of them, he was faced instead with a group of the demons led by a dark haired woman in a long dress.  Though she appeared unharmed, the woman swayed from side to side, and somehow seemed to be controlling the demons behind her.  Urging Willow behind him, Conan faced the group fully, sword held at the ready.  “Who are you, woman?”

 

A surprisingly delicate sing-song voice flowed from the stranger as she looked on the two and clapped, though apparently deciding not to answer his question.  “Oh, my Spike brought me more presents.  Now I will have the entire set.  And the magic coming from you both…” She closed her eyes and shivered, her entire being seeming to ripple with some unnamed force.  Eyes glowing gold, she looked at the two once more.  “Bring my presents inside; presents are best unwrapped in front of the giver after all and I would share with my sweet William.”

 

The demons behind her darted forward at her command, Conan barely raising his sword in time to catch the first two that tried for him stunned as he was from the stranger’s words and actions.  The group fell quickly, nonetheless, between his sword and the priestess’ magic, until only the dark haired woman remained.  Sword raised, he stepped forward as he watched her stamp a slippered foot, seemingly not aware of the danger she was truly in.

 

“No!  Spike will be most displeased, he so hates when I lose his toys.”

 

Conan reached out and grabbed her quickly, spinning her around and pinning her arms between his chest and her back as the strange woman struggled weakly, babbling even stranger things.  Perhaps she was touched in the head, but regardless, she had indicated that Elize was inside.  “Priestess, open the door, we now have something to negotiate with.”

 

Willow looked suspiciously at the woman who seemed to simply sway against the barbarian.  She could feel that she was some sort of magic user, though from her words she suspected it was the realm of seeing rather than actual magic.  Deciding this may be their best choice, and so conveniently handed to them at that, she took a deep breath to center herself and opened the door.  When nobody rushed out after them, and all she could hear was an accented voice speaking quietly and muffled screaming, she peeked inside, seeing that the whole building was open with crates stacked around the edges, and in the middle was Elize tied to a chair and gagged with the same blonde man from earlier circling her.

 

Conan stepped into the large room, the woman held tight to his front as he looked around for more of the demons.  Seeing only the blonde man who swiftly turned towards them as the woman continued to babble, he raised his chin challengingly. “You, there! Release the princess and we will return your woman unharmed!”

 

“Dru!” The blonde stepped forward, hands to his side, apparently forgetting the woman tied to chair.  “Did they hurt you, love?”

 

“Spiiiike, they broke your toys and won’t let me have my presents.”

 

Willow glanced from the strange woman who spoke in nonsense to the man, wondering if he was perhaps her caretaker.  Raising the dagger she had with her, she brought the tip to the woman’s throat, looking into the golden eyes of the man before them.  “As the barbarian said, leave the princess and we will leave your woman, an equal trade for all.  There is strange magic in the air that is twisting things and we have no time to waste here.”

 

The blonde looked at them both suspiciously, body twitching as he obviously yearned to snatch the woman from their grasp.  “And what says you don’t change your mind and kill my Dark Plum instead?”

 

“I give my word as High Priestess of Krom to allow you and your woman to leave in peace in exchange for safe passage for the princess and the two of us.”

 

The blonde hesitated, eyes flashing gold as he seemed to scent the air.  “Smells like you’re tellin’ the truth, not that I understand this priestess and princess nonsense, but like you and Dru said, there’s strange magic in the air.  Fine, give me Dru.  Much as I hate lettin’ the Slayer slip through my fingers, not gonna leave Dru to your tender mercies either.”

 

Conan looked over at Willow and, at her nod, shoved the strange babbling woman at the other man, gripping his sword in both hands in case either of them tried to double cross them.  The man looked as if he would do exactly that, but the woman, a seer most likely as she started babbling about the stars, gained his attention and he shoved them both out the open door more quickly than Conan would have though humanly possible.

 

“Mmmm! Mmmmmph!”

 

Slamming the door shut, Conan turned toward the princess who Willow was cutting loose.  “Princess Elize, are you unharmed?”

 

As soon as her bonds were released, Elize tore the gag from her mouth and, crying, threw herself into Conan’s arms, causing Willow to roll her eyes unbeknownst behind her. “I am unharmed, but those…those monsters! They threw me around and bound me to that chair and yelled and laughed at me!”  Burying her face against the muscled chest, she clung to the larger male as his arms wrapped hesitantly around her.  “I want to go home!”

 

Willow sighed in exasperation at the needless histrionics from the princess and strode toward the two.  Seeing the considering look on the barbarian’s face as his hands inched slowly down the slender figure in his arms, she pointed at him with her dagger.  “Absolutely not, Barbarian! She is a princess and to be treated as such.”

 

Conan jerked his head up, his hands returning to more neutral territory as he gave the priestess an annoyed look.  “Of course she will, priestess.  Come, we need to return to the library and see if we can learn more of what has happened so we can return home.  Princess, stay between us.  Hopefully we’ll have little trouble on the return trip.”

 

.oOo.

 

The return trip had, indeed, been uneventful aside from the small demons Willow insisted he was not allowed to kill. Arriving back at the building that housed the library, they entered cautiously, on the lookout for more of the demons that had stolen the princess.  Entering the library, they found the man from earlier pacing restlessly.

 

“There you are!  Where have you been? Never mind. I’ve found where the disturbance is coming from; it is as you said, chaos magic, and, as I suspected, coming from the costume shop where you all purchased your costumes.”  As the three gave him blank looks, Giles sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Willow, if you could possibly assist me, I know of a way to break the spell.”

 

Conan looked from the princess pressed against his side to the two magic users.  “And what of us?”

 

Giles gave Buffy and Xander a considering look, realizing that in their current states neither would be of any use to them for what needed to be done.  “Perhaps you should take Buffy…Elize to freshen up.”

 

Willow started to say something recognizing the way the two were interacting, but realizing that they would be of no use in magic casting, she rolled her eyes and waved them away.  “Make sure she’s not taken this time.”

 

Conan grinned broadly and looked down at the delicate woman in his arms, recognizing the heated look in her eyes.  “Oh I will keep a close eye on her.”  Listening to the princess giggle at his words, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her down the hall to where the bathing room was, completely ignoring the muttered, “I bet you will” from Willow and “Oh, dear” from the man.

 

As soon as they entered the room, he shifted Elize so that she could wrap her legs around his waist as his hands held her by the plump mounds of her ass and looked into her eyes.  “Do you want this, princess? I will not go against your will.”

 

Elize’s only response was to pull him into a heated kiss full of lips and teeth and tongues as she rocked gently against him.  Breaking away from the kiss, she looked down into the deep brown eyes and smiled.  “Please, take me, Conan.”

 

Needing no other command, he pulled her back into a kiss as he pinned her back against the wall, one hand dropping to slide under her skirts and trail up the silky skin of her thigh to the lacy covering over her mound.  A startled gasp was his return as his fingers slipped underneath the flimsy fabric to brush against her slick center.  Hips jerking forward unconsciously at the feeling, he could feel his cock pressing hard and insistent against the waistband of his coverings.  Slipping a finger inside her heated core, feeling her juices beginning to cover his hand as he thrust gently in and out, they both moaned, her head falling back with a soft thump against the wall as his own fell forward to bury against her neck.  This would not last long unfortunately.

 

Slipping his hand free from her, he hastily shoved down his own coverings, freeing his throbbing cock with a heartfelt groan before returning his hand to her mound, pulling the lacy fabric aside. With the head brushing so slickly against her, he struggled to gain enough thought to ask, “Are you sure, Elize?”

 

“Please, Conan, please!” Elize shifted her hips, rocking down against him and taking several inches inside her as she moaned loudly before claiming his mouth once more.

 

Her wanton movements encouraged his own, and soon he was thrusting into her dripping core hard and fast, the both of them clinging to each other as they moaned into kisses barely held before breaking apart again. He was right in thinking this would be a quick coupling, he could feel her body begin to tense, her movements becoming more frantic as she clawed at his back.  Just as her orgasm took her, her channel tightening around him and drawing forth his own climax, her eyes snapped open and she seemed to see him for the first the time.

 

“Xander!”

 

“Buffy!”

 

The room was quiet except for their rapid panting, both completely still as if afraid to move and be brought back to reality.  Feeling his cum dripping down around his softening shaft before it slipped from her, Xander’s eyes widened, realizing exactly what had just happened, not only had he just lost his virginity in the girls’ bathroom at school, not just that he’d lost it with Buffy, they hadn’t exactly been safe.  “Oh my God, Buff… I didn’t…I mean… oh, shit! This isn’t good, what if…”

 

Unable to watch Xander panic, Buffy patted his cheek even as she felt his cum dripping down her thighs quite distractingly and not sure how she felt about what had just happened in general.  “It’s okay, Xan, I’m safe, have been for a few years now.  No surprises, I promise.”  She hugged him against her as she let her legs slip from his waist to stand on her own feet, feeling the trembling in his body as he whispered words she was sure she wasn’t supposed to hear about not turning into his own father.  Kissing his cheek, she slowly let him go and moved toward the handicapped stall with its own sink.  “We should get cleaned up, I’m sure Giles and Willow are waiting for us.”  She was sure they also would suspect what had just happened, but…too late now.

 

Xander felt his heart return close to normal speed at Buffy’s reassurances and took her advice and started to get cleaned up. Wetting down several paper towels, he cleaned himself off and readjusted his clothes. Staring at himself in the mirror, he remembered bits and pieces of the evening, jerking off in front of Willow, hell, Willow helping him, seeing her boobs.  Sex with Buffy.  Taking down vampires like _he_ was the Slayer. Hand job from Willow and sex with Buffy. Yeah, that last bit was going to take some work to conveniently forget, or at least not react too.  Repress, repress, repress; it’s the Sunnyhell way!

 

Buffy appeared next to him in the mirror, a soft look on her face as she met his gaze in the mirror, her voice straining to sound cheerful.  “So…forgetting this last bit happened?”

 

Xander met her gaze and tried on his usual happy grin, not quite making it either.  “Probably definitely for the best, yeah.”

 

Hesitating, she leaned up and kissed his cheek again, her voice soft as she spoke next to his ear.  “For what it’s worth, for your first time…it was really good.”

 

Shocked by her words, he stood frozen as she slipped out of the room quietly, staring at his reflection as he blushed brightly in embarrassment although apparently he had no need to be embarrassed.  “Holy shit, I had sex with Buffy…and she liked it.”

 

.oOo.

 

After Giles had explained everything that had happened to cause the incident, the three teens had looked at each other with a lot of blushing and averted eyes, Giles compulsively cleaning his glasses all the while, and decided that they had absolutely no solid memories of anything happening other than being their alternate personalities and fighting some vampires.  Same stuff, different day, well different Slayer type person this time, but whatever. It was done and over and never to be spoken of again.

 

A couple weeks later, after dropping Willow off at her house, Buffy and Xander were headed towards his house, an uncomfortable silence filling the air as they continued to glance at each other before turning their heads away as the other noticed, casually bumping into each other all the while.  Entering Xander’s yard, they made their way to the basement door that led to his “room.” 

 

Standing awkwardly together in front of the door as Xander unlocked it, Buffy finally looked up at him, biting her lip nervously before simply blurting out, “Want to play princess and barbarian?”

 

Xander’s eyes opened wide in surprise before grinning broadly and grabbing her hand, tugging her into the room. “Hell yeah, thought you’d never ask!” The two of them laughed as they tumbled inside and locked the door behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may revisit this universe later in PWP one shots, but for now the main story is finished. Thanks for sticking with me :)


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